?

Log in

 
 
25 April 2009 @ 01:46 pm
Secrets ♥  
[again again because I love these posts ): Not Screened. All Anon this time.]
I DO NOT TRACK THE IP.

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously [by selecting the anonymous box]. Speak honestly, because there isn't any censure here. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another. You don't have to be on my friends list. You can just be stopping through. It doesn't matter.


[what happens here. stays here (:]
 
 
:it feeds off of you: quixotic(:
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
I miss my high school life. Life in high school was just so...easy compared to now. Alll I worried about was getting good graded, and now I wish thats all I had to worry about. Life is hard...really hard.

Almost unfair.

And high school reminds me of my old self, and how happy I was.
Back in my high school days, we talked a lot.
But shit got rocky for me, and we just stopped talking.

I miss us not talking anymore.

Sure we say a few things, hi..whats up.

But I miss our conversations.

You remind me of a better time in my life.
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
My High school experience wasn't the best, when I started 9th I was a little energetic in the beginning, but then there was this one time where this dude asked me to hold his bookbag for a sec, and I was so guilible, that I didn't notice what was happening. He fooled me over to his friends, and said "heres our new stodge, I was kind of pissed for being fooled, and being overly niced that I dropped the bag and went over to class.

From there my high school experience started to go down the drain, getting picked on, getting rejected along with being accused of stalking a girl that I really used to like alot. Tell me how is staring at someone you like 'stalking'? I still hate that witch for what happened, and I can never get over it, but at the same time I don't let it ruin my life. I just remember the rage everyday though.

Two faced people in that school also upset me, One minute they are talking to you like a good buddy, and the next they don't even know you or they are talking to their cliques, or should I say 'Cool people'.

This is when I started looking for friends on the internet in the AOL days. At first I was randomly going into anime rooms, and let me tell you people are douchebags, and they will flat out make fun of you just to be a complete troll.
The cons of pros of making friends online. I made some really good friends in the beginning, but I guess they showed their true colors later or, some just completely changed so they could fit into society socially. One person I used to talk with online alot changed completely, and this experience changed me alot in many ways.

The online friends I have now aren't like that, I'm not expected to show my face 24/7 for them to talk to. I don't like to be controlled by anyone on when or what time I should be on because I do have other things to do around the house. Thats how some of my older online friends were, and it made me sick therefore I've cut off my communication with them because they were immature brats.

You are awesome bb, fun to talk to when I do talk to you :). I'm a lazy chatter, but your funny! lol!
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 08:54 pm (UTC)
Ilu baby. You have been there the most for me, even if I haven't been there for you.

I worry about you sometimes though. I want to move up there and just...idk. live with you or something. I think that'd be fun. God is this creepy?

I don't know what else to say, but that I love you and meeting you was one of the best things that's happened to me
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 09:05 pm (UTC)
Shit... forgot to change it... >.< fuck fuck fuck Ignore PLEASE
❤ Brandie ❤pink_rain on April 25th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
i didn't even see it <3 no worries to whoever you were (:

♥ feel safe.
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 09:56 pm (UTC)
i pooped in a hole in the woods

:B
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
omfg whoever dis iz is grosss ew
i wouldn't poo or undress in front of anyone or any tree ewww poop!
(Anonymous) on April 25th, 2009 10:44 pm (UTC)
AND I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T BE A PRISONER OF WAR AT A TGI FRIDAYS
(Anonymous) on April 26th, 2009 12:14 am (UTC)
"I wish I could be more like you. Not caring... Just ignoring the people that hurt you... I wish I could be that cold. You really are your father's child."

That's what my mother told me today. She laughs and smiles about it, not realizing that I'm serious. I'm full of contempt for everyone I meet. Everyone. There's so much HATE inside of me that I can just barely function.

I wanted so much to be loved. I didn't WANT to be alone. I know that I'm always mouthing off, pushing people out of my way. Angry. Threatening. I say I don't care, but I do. This hurts. There was I time when I wanted affection SO BADLY, that I'd get on my knees and suck someone off. Wouldn't they love me then? Wasn't that affection too? And then I'd get so fucking scared. I knew it wasn't love. I knew that I meant noting. I guess I just don't care anymore. I want to be better than everyone else. Superior without want. I want control. I don't want to NEED. I no longer care if I'm loved. I hate myself. I hold that same contempt for MYSELF.

You're always saying that you love me. It scares me. Being near or around you scares me because I could never, never hate you. I'm holding back so much. Even now, I'm holding back. I'm beginning to love you back in return, and that frightens me more than death. More than being ill. More than being alone. More than weight, or pills, or anything else. I'm still afraid to let go and truly show you who I am. No matter how many times you reassure me. I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to let you inside. All I really know, is how to be nothing at all. But, I'm trying. I'm trying as hard as I can.
(Anonymous) on April 26th, 2009 08:43 am (UTC)
I don't think I have an eating disorder, I mean, sure - i'm obbsessed with weight, I'm on the scale and off the scale, I admire people for being thin, I touch my ribs and enjoy the fact that if I suck in, you can see them clearly (I want to have a spine like that classic bent over thin girl spine, all sticking out against the skin). I love my friends telling me 'I've never seen you so thin' and Yes, I want to hit 130 because that is my 'goal weight', I count calories and justify food to myself. Sometimes I pick food up, decide to eat it, and then leave it and go find something else. Sometimes I drink low cal hot chocolate just to feel normal, like a normal girl having normal hot chocolate.

But I don't have an eating disorder, I know how those are characterised, categorised. I don't think I will ever be one of those in patient girls. I don't think I will ever be sick.

Thats why I feel like I am lying to you, because you worry and that means you think I do have it, but honest darling, I don't. I'm fine.
(Anonymous) on April 27th, 2009 08:40 am (UTC)
I never post things like this in my journal, because no one ever bothers to respond to them... I often feel like I'm not useful to others, except as a source of temporary amusement.
(Anonymous) on April 27th, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC)
I think I have a crush on you. I'm not sure. I'm feeling confused as hell right now.
(Anonymous) on April 28th, 2009 04:11 am (UTC)
I 2nd this.
I used to have a secret crush on you.
And we don't talk as often as we used 2...but i kinda feel like it just never went away.
I don't know.


I find you to be very beautiful.
and delicate.

(Anonymous) on April 28th, 2009 10:31 am (UTC)
- There are plenty of people that I can't stand - when I see them, I tolerate their presence, but my head is screaming every swear word possible. I can assure you that you are definitely not one of those people. As a matter of fact, I wish we talked more often, our conversations are ranked high up in my memory :) They always made me smile.

- It bums me out that you don't realize just how beautiful and amazing you are.

- Alright, I'm bisexual. Now what?

- Take your fancy schmancy car and shove it. You wanted your dream car SO bad, and now you got it, like the spoiled brat you are, and now you're kicking yourself in the ass because you may have to sell it because you can't afford the car payments. I'd say 'I told you so', but I don't think that would be as satisfying as punching you in the gooch.

- I'm glad that we've started talking again, I really missed you. Here's to improving our friendship.

(Anonymous) on May 5th, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC)
I accidentally the whole banana phone.................
(Anonymous) on May 29th, 2009 01:18 am (UTC)
There are people I love that I will never accept I love. I will not alllow myself to ever need them as much as I could need them. As much as I might need them. I can feel myself getting tangled up in them and it frightens me because I know it doesn't make any sense and that I shouldn't do it, so I don't do it. But I want them. I love so deeply but I don't let myself feel it, ever, because if I do I know I'll make bad decisions, the wrong decisions. I know that that's the right thing to do. But it hurts, sometimes, because I love them all so much that sometimes I don't know if I'm losing control or not.

You are the prettiest thing in my life right now. I know I'm cold, I've told myself that more than anyone else has ever told me, which is a damn lot. You're my emotional little spark of warmth. I'm so happy and honored to have you around, my pixie.
(Anonymous) on May 31st, 2009 09:49 am (UTC)
I kind of miss you. ---Yeah. Already.
You're always the first to say it, but I thought I should take a turn.
If you need me, I won't be far.
(Anonymous) on June 2nd, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
Hey, we haven't talked in months. I always felt like i was bothering you so i just stopped talking to you all together. Sorry for being a creeper if thats the case :D. If not, don't take it personally. You're one of the coolest chicks i had the opportunity to ever meet and it saddens me that we never hung out again :(.

As for me, I finally got help. I've stopped purging and feel pretty good about my self image. When I look at myself in the mirror i don't feel so bad. I look and say "Yea, I'm ok. Not perfect but not bad. I could do better." The feeling is weird but glorious! I just hope it can last so i can get 100% healthy again.

I hope you're doing ok babe. Stay Beautiful!


PS

How bout dat Metal Gear Soild: Rising

❤ Brandie ❤pink_rain on June 3rd, 2009 04:09 am (UTC)
I'm not sure if the OP will see this, but I would really really love to know who you are. I'm sure you were NEVER ever ever a bother to me - far from it I bet. And NO NOT A CREEPER i'm creeper EXTREME (:

um, do you have AIM? Please please IM me if you do. I'm Volgin Pwnz J00
hm.. :\ I hope you find this.
(Anonymous) on July 19th, 2009 09:19 am (UTC)
Sometimes, when I write, I imagine that I'm speaking to you. Just you and no one else. I don't know why, but it makes writing a little easier. I guess I want you to understand me, even if no one else does. Maybe I'm just fucking retarded, but I can be honest with you.
(Anonymous) on January 16th, 2010 07:32 pm (UTC)
i would do anything to spend a day with you. :(